Liza asked me to write and give an update, as many viewers expressed concern for me and/or were wondering what I have been up to since filming ended. First, I'd like to thank those of you who were concerned. You had good reason to be, I was a mess when those interviews were taped! I think it was touched on in the film, but right around the time of filming my husband left me for our neighbor then was killed in a motorcycle accident. His friends and family treated my very cruelly during this time, even going so far as to bar me from his funeral. I had done nothing to deserve that kind of response. At the same time, I was diagnosed with Epstein-Barr and I'd also had a rather complicated sinus surgery in which a facial nerve was damaged leading to a horrible, 2 year addiction to serious painkillers like Dilaudid and Fentanyl. I was extremely depressed and felt absolutely hopeless and angry at the world. Shortly after filming, my cat BooBoo (who was in the film) died of cancer. She was all I had left and I fell apart. After all of that crazy tragedy, I took stock of my life and realized that things could not continue as they were for one more minute. I checked myself into the hospital and detoxed for 7 days, finally getting off the painkillers...it was possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do, both mentally and physically. I went back to church, got a job and 2 new baby kittens and I haven't taken painkillers for 3 years now! I am still struggling to figure out what to do with my life as far as a career, and am still single, but happily single. One major difference from the film is that I now realize that it's OK to be alone...that I probably won't turn into the crazy cat lady I feared I would become...but even if I do, it's OK as long as I am content in my heart. I finally realize that I don't need someone else to make me complete, that I am just fine on my own. In the film, I felt that I came across very "woe-is-me" and it was hard to watch myself looking so sad and hurt. Most of my opinions have not changed and I still feel that my looks and my subsequent reliance on them have been a destructive force throughout most of my teenage and adult life. Upon reflection after being a part of the film, I came to the conclusion that perhaps it is not whether or not one HAS beauty, but rather what one chooses to do with it.
I cannot wait to see this film. I've had the pleasure of knowing Evonne for over a year now and she is a wonderful person. I've never understood the views of certain people that those of us blessed with physical beauty are somehow less entitled to be treated with kindness and respect. To Evonne: You go girl! You rock! Matt =) matt gillespie
I discovered the information about the documentary you are in on Will Hessler's Myspace and went to the link for the documentary site. I read the blog you posted and simply wanted to email you personally and say thank you... as a person who has really struggled to find my own beauty, it has often times amazed me that women struggle with each other the most. I was extremely touched by the blog entry you posted as an update to your story. Even though you may not realize it, your story touched my spirit today and I wanted to tell you so. I truly wish you the best in all life has to offer you and pray you continue to experience all the POSITIVES you not only have from life, but from what POSITIVES you can give to the lives of others. One of my favorite quotes I instantly thought to share is "May you store more confidence within yourself than you place within the confidence of your enemies." Thank you again for sharing your story.
With much respect and continuance of hope for your positive and beautiful future, Rachel
